Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
