Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
