Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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