Sry I called you an 8
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
