tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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