That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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