omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
