I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
