I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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