Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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