ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
