I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
