we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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