So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
