Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
