So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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