3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
