I will die if light touches me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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