i just had sex bonerless
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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