Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
