I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
