Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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