His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Terrible idea I love it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
