honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
