life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
