By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
