brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
