he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
