listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
