Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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