walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
