apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
