he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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