sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
