i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
