see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
