if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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