Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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