DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
