make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
as a side note pls kill me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
