My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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