every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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