This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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