You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
