so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
