dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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