FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
