I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
