i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
