i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
